So you have decided to explore your kinky side. Maybe you have been doing so for a while with a partner(s) or maybe you have always known you were kinky but never found anyone to share it with. Whether you are single or in a relationship finding a community of people where you can build friendships, learn and maybe even meet someone to explore with you can be a healthy thing.
Humans are, after all, hugely social creatures but sometimes finding the people who you click with can be tricky.
However, one great way of finding a kink community to be part of is to attend your local munch.
A munch you say? It is a word often bandied around in the kinky community under the assumption that everyone knows what it is, but for many people new to all things kink they have no idea what it is, where to find one and what to expect when they get there.
So let’s answer some of these questions.
What is a munch?
The term munch originated in Palo Alto in California in the early 90’s before there was a structured online fetish community. The first one was actually called a Burger Munch but as the idea spread and more were set up they just became known as Munches.
A munch is basically an informal social gathering of like minded kinky folk. They are an opportunity for people who are interested in BDSM/kink to hang out, make friends, chat and relax together. They tend to be casual affairs with relatively little structure or protocol but all munches are slightly different in their style so it is worth trying out more than one if you are luckily enough to live in an area where that is possible and find the one that suits you.
Where are they held?
Most munches are held in either a bar/pub or restaurant/coffee shop but I have heard of ones being held in sex shops, libraries, community halls, parks and even people’s homes although that is fairly rare. They are usually organized by a couple or small group of local community people who set up the time, place date etc. and will act as greeters and ambassadors for the event, posting information online about it and making sure that new people are welcomed into the group.
All munches are very different depending on time, venue and location. For example a daytime coffee-shop munch is likely to attract/ appeal to different people than one at night in a busy city bar. There are also munches aimed at specific groups/ages. It is not uncommon to find Under 35’s munches, Little/Daddy Munches, Vegan Munches, Geek munches etc. which will clearly attract different types of people, but as a general rule munches are attended by a huge variety of people.
Some will be couples, some will be singles, and some may even be in relationships with multiple partners. There will be all genders and sexualities and span a wide age group. The munch that I run with my partner is regularly attended by people from the ages of 18 right up to those in their 70’s who are all into various different aspects of kink, for some it is a bedroom only thing and for others it is a 24/7 lifestyle but they all meet happily together under one kink umbrella.
What to wear?
Again this depends on the type of munch but for the most part as they are held in public venues like bars and restaurants you should wear whatever you feel comfortable and confident wearing to a place like that to hang out with your friends. No one is going to be bothered if you turn up in jeans and a t-shirt or come straight from work.
You may find that some people will be a bit more dressed up than others, some might have chosen to wear a collar and you might find that the number of piercings, tattoos and eclectic styles may be different to say your average knitting groups meet-up but nothing particularly untoward that is going to either jeopardize the use of the venue or draw undue attention to the group.
What they are not…
Munches are not educational spaces, yes you will definitely learn things if you talk to people and listen to them but they are not set up as teaching/workshop events. However it is likely that those will exist in your local community so asking people at a munch will help you find events like that.
Munches are not a kinky version of speed dating, although kinky speed dating events do exist they are not munches and vice versa
Munches are not pick-up events. If you go there assuming you are going to get yourself laid you are probably going to come away very disappointed.
Munches are not play events and any overt kink play will likely get you kicked out as it will often risk the group’s ability to use the venue.
What they are…
Munches are fun, social, casual, friendly spaces for you to make friends with people who live in your local area. They are opportunities to learn about your local community and build a network of friendships that will support and help you in your kinky journey.