Bareback Sex in the Swinging Community

It is very common for people new to the swinging lifestyle to have concerns about safe sex, which then brings up the question of condom usage. We all know that condoms can greatly reduce the risk of STIs but not every swinger uses them. Some prefer bareback sex without condoms. Why?

The swinging lifestyle is filled with many different people, and individuals all have slightly different reasoning behind their position on bareback sex.


Overall, you are more likely to find people in the swinging community do tend to ask or talk about condoms being used during casual encounters way more than the subject is brought up with typical one nightstands between singles. This has a lot to do with the level of trust and community there is between swingers.

Generally, swingers aren’t only concerned with their own boundaries or sexual health but also those of their play partners. Most swingers participate in the lifestyle as a couple so they have double the reasons to make sure everything goes smoothly according to their personal preferences.


Different Personal Preferences

Some couples do enjoy bareback sex in the lifestyle. Just like most things, this comes down to personal preference and how great you and your partner consider the risk. Generally, it is discussed and agreed upon between a couple what their views are about if and when condoms are to be used before they have sex with other people.

Research tends to show that risks of STI transmission is reduced during oral sex so many swingers will skip the condoms and dental dams during oral even if they are diligent about using protection during vaginal and anal sex.

On the flip, side anal sex is generally treated more cautiously by most in the lifestyle. This type of sex tends to carry a much higher risk of STI transmission especially if enough time isn’t taken to fully prepare and go slowly to minimize the micro-tearing. Many swingers will always use condoms for anal or simply skip this particular act of intercourse all together.


Another option among swingers is fluid bonding. Fluid bonding is an agreement between people to only engage in bareback sex with each other after they go to the doctor and are tested. Sometimes swingers have similar agreements within larger groups who interact a lot. This means everyone involved can enjoy bareback sex with less stress about catching an infection. Of course, this assumes everyone honours the agreement and the test results had no errors.


Couples who participate in a fluid bonding agreement may sometimes want to play with couples who are not part of the bond at some point in evenings that they are also playing with couples who are part of their bond. In these situations, it is important to remember that some people will not feel comfortable engaging in any sexual activity with people they have just seen have unprotected sex with anyone who is not their partner. So you might want to save this for the last round of fun.

Many swingers reserve unprotected sex for their own partner. This helps keep something special for just themselves.


Communicating Your Choice

Regardless if you insist on condoms or want your sexual encounters to be bareback, the internet makes it far easier to bring up these conversations. A lot of swinging couples will share their preferences about condom usage in their online dating profile. Being super clear about your expectations right from the start online helps sort through the multitudes of potential matches. Knowing that you are all compatible helps reduce some of the awkwardness & stress from your first face-to-face meeting. Regardless what your personal preference is, you can be sure to find others who match it on swinger sites.


This may also come up at a club or party when you meet new people. Make sure to talk with your partner before you go out about who, if anyone, it is okay to go bareback with. Be clear about each other’s boundaries and check in with each other again whenever possible.


You’ll probably find it an easier subject to broach on a date before clothes start falling off. Having the talk upfront helps ensure no one’s boundaries have been overstepped. Some people may find it a bit trickier after having a few drinks and with passion running high. The most important thing here is to make sure that it’s a joint decision between everyone. It may be that they agree to change things up that night but checking with them first is best practice.



Mutual Respect

Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything you aren’t comfortable with. If you are only comfortable with condoms being used in every casual encounter, then you have every right to insist on them. Likewise, if the person or couple you are playing with is strict about condoms, don’t try to pressure them into going without. Everyone has different boundaries and a quick way to get into trouble and gain a bad reputation is trying to force your practices and views on other people. If you encounter a couple that isn’t a good match for you, just move on.


If no condom is an absolute must or kink of yours, there are plenty of websites, club nights and parties specifically aimed towards bareback sex. Be aware however that some of the club nights and parties may ask for proof of a recent STI screening.


Every couple has their own set of rules and boundaries when it comes to bareback sex. Some are very strict and won’t engage in it at all with anyone other than their significant other. Others forego condoms only with a couple or group they have a fluid bond arrangement with and some may go as far as wanting to see sexual health checks first. A lot of couples are fine with unprotected oral but require condoms for vaginal or anal penetration.


There are a lot more couples that have a grey area when it comes to their personal condom policy. Some examples of this are once a couple gets to know the other couple or person well enough they will decide they trust them enough to go bareback. Others simply go by vibes and trust their intuition about a person and it can even just depend on a couple’s mood at the time too.


Chances are you will come across all sorts of arrangements and boundaries regarding bareback sex if you are around long enough. Also, different generations can have different perspectives on condoms. Some senior swingers are less likely to use condoms simply because they are no longer worried about becoming pregnant, and some young swingers who never experienced the fear of HIV during the height of the AIDS crisis might feel STIs aren’t very dangerous.


As you you encounter different swingers, don’t be surprised to find different mindsets including some that are misinformed or overzealous.


Handling Tricky Situations

With so many different perspectives, you might even encounter a surprise during playtime. For instance, someone may try to engage in bareback sex when it has previously been stated that this is a boundary. We can never know how we will react to a stressful and/or surprising situation. Roleplaying it can help to mentally prepare ourselves so we can better address it and protect ourselves if it ever does happen.


You can clearly repeat your boundaries if you think it might have been an accidental misunderstanding. You of course can pull the plug and feel free to leave right there and then. If this happens at a swinger club or party, you can tell the party organizers so they can remove them and protect the other guests from people who do not honour boundaries. Honour & trust are key parts of the lifestyle and troublemakers tend to not be tolerated.


Your high school sex education class probably never talked about orgies, so let’s address that. If you are involved in group sex where condoms are being used and safety is important to you, make sure to switch condoms between each new partner. Reusing condoms increases the chances of them breaking, and you also don’t want to transfer anything from your previous partner to your new partner. This is why you want to pack way more condoms than you think you will ever need.


Aside from the risk of STIs, it is also important to talk about birth control before engaging sexually with a new couple. Most women in the lifestyle that practice bareback sex regularly will be on some type of birth control such as the pill or coil, etc. A lot of men in couples who have already had children will also have opted for vasectomies. You may think it’s obvious for someone who enjoys bareback to be using some birth control method, but the best option is to never assume and to always ask to be certain. You don’t want to find out too late that the other couple had a tubal ligation and the husband can still impregnate you.


Whether you enjoy bareback sex or condoms, also make sure to pack good lube that is compatible with what you are doing. Not all lubes are compatible with all condoms, so always check. If you aren’t using condoms, you still want to make sure you have compatible lube because some people have allergic reactions to different ingredients. Lube can also reduce STI risk as it decreases the chances of micro-tears (not to mention it simply feels better).


Do What is Best For You!

At the end of the day, you should talk with your partner to figure out what you want and how you want it. There are many different options so keep communicating with each other and your new play partners to make sure everyone is clear and happy.

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