Hotwives and single unicorn ladies attract a lot of attention in the lifestyle community. But what about the men? Can husbands or men in open relationships swing solo? The answer is that of course, they can. Truth be told solo women tend to receive more offers than men. That doesn’t mean a man can’t find what they are looking on their solo lifestyle experience.
If you have only ever been swinging as a couple, then going it alone can be both exciting but also nerve-wracking. Discuss and decide about whether this is what you both want beforehand. If you are both deciding to experiment with solo play, be aware that solo women tend to be approached more than men. It can be a bit more of a challenge for a man to use his “hall pass” than it is for ladies especially when you are just starting and learning how to swing solo.
Open & Honest Communication
If you are experimenting with hall passes for solo play, be clear with your partner from the start about each other’s limits and boundaries. Remind each other that wanting to play solo doesn’t have anything to do with not being satisfied with them.
If your wife doesn’t want to explore solo play in the lifestyle but you are interested in it, be open and honest with her. Before taking any action, sit down and explain your reasoning. She may have concerns that she is not enough for you, so be prepared to alleviate her worries. Let her know that she will always be your top priority and be prepared to respect her feelings. If she isn’t comfortable with it, don’t risk your amazing relationship with her over this.
If she is comfortable with you exploring, the next step is to agree on how and if there are any limits. There are a few options for solo play. It could be meeting up with the wife of a swinger couple you already know. It could be hooking up with singles at parties or it could be some other arrangement. Make sure you clearly define and agree to the type of solo play so you both know what is or is not allowed.
Take Care of Your Wife
Men should make sure their wives are as comfortable as possible and that means allowing them veto power over potential matches. Some wives don’t want to be involved in picking the play partners and might want as little details as possible. In which case try and be discreet about times you text and not talking about other women in her presence out of respect for her.
If the wife wants to be involved, let her sit with you while you browse online. This can make her feel better and avoid potential feelings of insecurity and doubt that can creep in while you are separated during solo play. Whatever you do, make sure the wife has the option to decide how much or how little she is involved.
Before a man heads out for a solo night of lifestyle fun, he should make sure to prepare a nice evening for his special lady. Pick up some of her favourite treats or bottle wine, or order in her favourite dish. Download her favourite show or pick up the magazines she enjoys so much. You want to make sure she has something fun to entertain and minimise the chances of being bored which can lead to being overly worried. This prep work is a good way to remind her how much you value her. The more the wife enjoys her alone time, the more she will be open to her husband exploring solo play.
When you go out for solo swinging, it can be very helpful to stay in touch with your wife during the evening. Checking in when you arrive at the destination and during any breaks can help ease any possible worries. She may simply worry that you are okay and a quick text could put her mind at ease and it could also be an opportunity to share some of the naughty details with her so she can fantasise about it and vicariously enjoy your evening.
Harsh Reality for Solo Men
Having a hall pass for solo dates sounds like every man’s dream. Reality rarely matches the fantasy. There are plenty of drawbacks when you are viewed as a single man in the swinging scene. For starters you may have to pay higher prices into swingers clubs than couples or women and some places won’t allow solo men at all.
Fortunately for single gents attending The Secret Lounge we have a flat charge of £25 per person, which includes unlimited soft/mixer drinks.
Skip the vanilla hook-up or dating apps, they can be an even bigger headache than trying to get inside a club as a solo man. Someone you know, might recognise you and start telling mutual friends or co-words that you are cheating. The single ladies on the vanilla sites are often not very friendly to non-monogamous people because too many cheating husbands have lied and used that as their cover.
You can have better luck online using a dedicated swinger site or making an arrangement with someone you already know. If you do go for the online route, try and make your profile stand out. Are you looking to play with another couple solo or with other solo women? If it’s a solo woman you are after, keep in mind that they will most likely be getting overloaded with messages from other couples and solo men alike so the odds are not in your favour.
This means having clear current photos on your profile that show both your face and body and a good bio describing clearly what kind of arrangement you are after. Try and be creative and complementary in your introductory message to her. She has probably seen a million “hi, what are you up to?” in the last hour. Tell a joke or mention something in her bio so she knows you took the opportunity to read it. Don’t send her any intimate pictures until she asks.
When you do make a match, a good idea would be to meet up for a drink somewhere public before going anywhere alone with her. If you at any time change your mind, get bad vibes, or for whatever other reason are not feeling it, remember that you can leave whenever you like. If you are afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings come up with an excuse beforehand just in case things go south.
Be Ready for Surprises
Remember this is a new experience for both you and your wife. Even if she is initially comfortable with the idea or maybe even fantasize about you sleeping with other women while she stays home, her feelings can change.
Even the most open-minded wife may get slightly jealous from time to time.
This can be something that can be easy to overcome or impossible depending on where the jealousy stems from. If you notice any warning signs, pause the solo action. Give her extra attention and consider changes like switching partners that might resolve these feelings.
These changes might not be enough, in which case you should respect her wishes. Don’t do anything to jeopardise or bring drama into your relationship.
Once you are honest with each other you will have a much higher chance of figuring out what arrangements can and can not work.