People who have never been to swingers’ clubs often assume that this is a free-for-all where everyone can have sex with anyone at any time. But this is far from the truth.
There are often more rules in the swinging community than there are in the more traditional parties. Here is your chance to discover swinger sex etiquette. That includes that people should not cheat on their partner, remain faithful emotionally, not get too jealous, socialize with other people, and not do anything unsafe.#
Don’t Cheat on Your Partner
According to a study on ‘No Expectations’: Straight Men’s Sexual and Moral Identity in Non-Monogamous Dating, adultery is seen negatively in the swinging community. People need to be honest with their significant other and get their consent whenever they want to engage in sexual activity with another person. They dislike cheating and wouldn’t like to date or have sex with a cheater. Many people would even argue that being too secretive would make unethical an ethical non-monogamous relationship.
Opening up to your partner about your intimate life is often seen as a moral obligation.
Swinging works because both partners agree to this and often take part in this activity together. There can also be single people who go to swingers clubs to join their friends. However, people who go there alone to cheat on their partner are often perceived negatively. Many swingers don’t want to participate in this kind of adultery because they know it will hurt someone.
This is why it is better to go to a swinger orgy only if you are in an ethical non-monogamous relationship or single.
Do Remain Faithful Emotionally
As reported by Today’s Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers, most swingers remain emotionally faithful. Swinging is mostly a social and sexual activity that they do together, but the commitment to their significant other remains more important. Even though they become friends with other swingers and often have the right to participate in sexual activities with others, rules are restricting emotional involvement. The goal is to enhance the couple’s relationship sexually and emotionally, not go back home with someone else. When it comes to swingers’ values, companionship is more important than personal freedom.
This is why you should remember that a swinger event is only about sex, not about love. Remember that all those people probably already have a significant other that is very important to them. Enjoy the sex while it lasts, be polite with your new partner’s significant other, and don’t forget that you probably have someone important in your life, too. If you ever go too far, your partner might not trust you enough to let you come back. However, some couples might have a different agreement that allows more emotional freedom, which is their personal choice.
Don’t Get Too Jealous
The Case of Swingers reports that people like swinging because they can be honest and open about their desire for sexual variety. They can explore fantasies with their significant other and develop a new level of trust about each other’s feelings. All of that is done with little to no feeling of guilt, deceit, or jealousy. According to a study on The Happy Green Eyed Monogamist: Role of Jealousy and Compassion in Monogamous and Non-Traditional Relationships, having more compersion is associated with more satisfaction in women’s past and current open relationships.
While some women may think that jealousy leads to a more satisfying monogamous relationship, they often changed their minds when they broke up and realized that it hurt their relationship.
Jealousy is not a sign of love. It might actually be a lack of trust in yourself, your partner, and the relationship. However, if someone ever cheats on you without your consent, you have the right to be upset because they broke a promise. To avoid being jealous, make sure you talk to your partner about what is allowed or not.
You also need to understand what triggers your own feelings of jealousy. If you know that you can’t let your partner spend more time with someone else than they do with you or that you can’t stand seeing them perform oral sex on someone else when they won’t do this to you, tell them. An ethical non-monogamous relationship is based on an agreement, and communication is essential.
Do Socialise With Other People
While variety in their sex lives is essential for swingers, meeting new friends and expanding their social life is also essential, as reported by the study on Today’s Alternative Marital Styles. That means that swinger sex orgies are not only about having anonymous sex with a large number of strangers. Most of them also want to socialize with like-minded people like people would do at any other traditional party. Since most people can’t talk openly about their swinging lifestyle to their friends and family, this might be the only opportunity they have to do so.
If you ever go to a swinger orgy, don’t forget that talking to people and making friends is just as important as having sex. Moreover, many swingers would rather have sex with people they know, and it is important to talk about each other’s boundaries before taking part in any sexual activity. They might also help you understand some swinger etiquette that you haven’t figured out yet so you won’t embarrass yourself in front of too many people. Sex is way more interesting when you are attracted by someone’s personality rather than just their body.
Don’t Do Anything Unsafe
Swingers can take part in potentially risky sexual behaviour's like having a large number of partners as reported in Swinging: If You Do Not Ask You May Not Find, But You Need to. This is why it is always recommended to use a condom. During a swinger orgy, a new condom should be used while penetrating a different partner. When it comes to drugs and alcohol, these substances can affect someone’s behaviour and ability to consent. Make sure you know your limits so you will be able to behave well during any swinger event. You shouldn’t have sex with someone too drunk or affected by drugs to consent. Moreover, always make sure you get the person’s consent before doing any sexual activity with them. This is not only the etiquette but also the law.
Even though there are many unwritten rules regarding the swinger sex orgy etiquette, this is also what makes it a safe place. And when you feel safe, you have more chances of letting yourself go and experiment with other people any way you want. Since this is also a social event, knowing how to behave appropriately is the best way to be part of the group and make new friends open to various sexual activities with you.