Ok, you’ve either found a swinger couple online, at a meet & greet event, at a house party, or in a lifestyle club and now you want to play with them…what now?
Let’s go through the common stages of swinging with another couple to get the most out of what’s bound to be an erotic and sexually freeing experience!
You’ve invited a couple to swing so what’s the next step? Now you need to think about the setting for your playful rendezvous. This may be a swinger club, or your own cozy abode. Some couples prefer to rent a hotel room for the night to give the whole experience its own space. A hotel room can keep it separate from your daily lives – making it feel more private and more deliciously taboo.
If you’re hosting another couple whom you’ve found online at your home, this next point should go without saying: Clean up. The last thing you want to see when rolling up to a night of sexy play is a stack of dirty dishes or stinky laundry on the floor. Set the mood by providing a clean space, and set the mood further with some candles, music or dimmed lighting.
If you plan on meeting them at a swinger party or club it’s important to RSVP to ensure there will be enough space for everyone. Please make sure you’re familiar with the rules of any party or club you’re planning to attend. Sometimes you need to reserve a playroom in advance so if you know you’ll like your privacy at some point in the evening, reserve your play space as soon as possible.
If you’ve booked a hotel room, don’t assume that the other couple will pitch in for it, although that is the polite thing to do and the norm. If you’re not the couple who’s organizing the room, the correct etiquette is to offer to split the cost. If they insist, pick up the tab for dinner or the sexy cocktails. A small gift like some nice chocolates or a bottle of wine goes a long way.
Calm Before the Storm
A key piece of advice before you enter any swinging situation: Fully discuss all of the potential scenarios with your own partner so that you’re on the same page. You want to establish what you both want before the heat gets turned up and the excitement threatens to cloud your judgement.
Once you’re all together, the excitement and energy start to build… the fun is about to begin. Let’s say you’ve found a compatible couple in a lifestyle club and you and your partner are ready to hit the play button. Before you do, it’s important to cover a few basic points of communication.
You’ve probably had at least part of this discussion with the other couple prior to entering this room, but it’s good to double check the details. Will this be a full or soft swap? Are any sex acts like backdoor play or oral not allowed? What protection is being used? And whatever other topics are important to you and your partners. The key here is to be as open as possible.
Decide whether both couples will all play in one room or split off to separate ones. This is down to preference. Some couples find it hot to keep everyone together, getting the greatest kick from sharing the whole experience with each other. Those into exhibitionism may decide to do it among a larger group of swingers at a party, and for others, it’s more about making an individual sexual connection behind closed doors and reconvening with their partner later. Some people find it difficult to concentrate on their current sexual partner when there’s lots of other action happening close by.
If you are doing separate rooms, figure out how you will meet up afterwards to ensure you don’t awkwardly interrupt your partner in case they need extra time to finish.
Lastly, it’s important to remember in the “pregame” phase of the encounter, that often there is booze present at these events and having a drink or two is one way to ease anxiety and loosen some of those inhibitions. However, heavy consumption of alcohol and swinging don’t pair well. People who are heavily intoxicated are not able to give consent. Being drunk can lead to breaking rules you have established with your partner and ruin the whole experience. Not to mention the ever-present risk for men to underperform after they have had too much to drink.
During the Act
Firstly, it goes without saying that respect is paramount to a positive swinging experience. Apart from the sex, there are many things that should be said and done, and many things that should not.
Do… Ask whether they’re comfortable with you finishing inside of them. Even if you’re wearing a condom, finishing someone without their consent could break one of their rules, or be unwanted.
Similarly, it may be relevant to disclose if you’re a female who squirts. This can be alarming or arousing to men so a heads-up goes a long way. Especially if you’re on their couch!
Do… Be considerate with your noises. If you’re swinging in the same room with other people being too loud can become a distraction.
It’s OK to enjoy yourself but remember it is a shared space. Also be careful not to accidentally turn this into a competition. Swinging is about fun and exploration, not competition.
Do Not… Leave a mark. Don’t scratch, bite or bruise your partner. It’s not polite to damage other people’s things, much less their beloved spouses.
Do Not… Ask if you are better skilled or endowed than their partner. Major mood killer.
Do Not… Say anything negative about their spouse, or yours. Keep it positive, putting others down does not increase the pleasure and can snuff out any sexual flame.
Do Not… Change rules. Don’t change your rules in the heat of the moment, and do not pressure the other couple to change their rules.
When the passion is running high, people are not always making the best choices, and we want to avoid drama. Safer to stay within the lines & consider changing the rules for the next time you play together.
If you are in the same room, it is common to lounge around and chat or maybe even have a second or third round of fun. Regardless of how you decide to finish your swinging fun, when all is said and done, remember the respect should still be there. Check if your swinging partner had a good time. Now is a good time to compliment everyone including your own partner to provide some pleasant reassurance. Everyone likes to be reminded of how awesome they are and how much you enjoy them.
Be careful not to linger with the other couple too much, as it can come off as a little weird or clingy. This is just swinging and you aren’t looking to marry them so act accordingly. Now is not the time to declare your never-ending love for your new sex partner. Be polite, friendly but don’t smother them.
After you head home and are rested up again, it is a good idea to privately reconnect with your spouse – physically and emotionally. Many couples wait till the next morning to do this.
Physically reconnecting with a special cuddle session or some more sexy time can help re-establish your special intimate bond. It can also be very helpful to talk about what you did and communicate the good and bad so you can both be better teammates for each other.
The next day is a good time to send a friendly text or email to your swinging friends. If you want to repeat the experience, now is the time to ask if they might be interested in that. Don’t be upset if they are busy.
Remember swingers are busy juggling work, family, and vanilla friends. Plus, many swingers are in the lifestyle because they prefer a wide variety of partners so those people won’t very eager to repeat. If they ask to repeat, and you don’t want to repeat be honest. It can be hard rejecting swingers but it is better to be politely honest than it is to mislead them and potentially cause bigger problems.