Why Won’t Swingers Climax For Me?

Updated: Feb 8

This has never happened to us. Oh, who are we kidding? Of course, it has happened to us & will happen again. We must be terrible in bed or not sexy enough. It must be our fault, right?

Before any of us go too deep down the wallowing well, let’s take a step back from being too critical about ourselves.

Ok, now let’s remember that sex is about more than chasing orgasms. Many people have a great time without ever climaxing – especially in non-monogamous settings.

Common Climax Blockers

Swinging is not like traditional sexual encounters. Many significant differences can block the climaxes even if you are the sexiest and most skilled person in the world.

  • Men using ED pills (more common than many admit) often have great difficulty climaxing. These pills work wonders with stiffness but create a side effect of difficulty climaxing with many men. This doesn’t mean any of those men don’t think they aren’t the luckiest guy to be playing with you.

  • Some men can have a very long refractory period & are actively trying their best not to climax at swinger parties. They want to enjoy the hot sex & be able to keep performing without having to wait hours before they can achieve a second erection.

  • Condoms can also make it more challenging for them. Especially if they aren’t regularly using condoms with their primary partner at home. Thankfully, there are newer condoms that are ridiculously thinner & use non-latex material to conduct body heat & sensations better.

  • Of course, there is the awkwardness of being with a new partner. Experienced swingers know the first time playing is often the worst because you don’t know their special spots & they don’t know yours. It often is much hotter on repeat performances as we learn more about each other’s body & mentally feel more comfortable.

  • Let’s not forget the mental stress they can feel like worrying if their spouse is having a good time. We all love to enjoy ourselves, but we also need to do some mental juggling as we break our concentration to check on our own partner’s enjoyment.

  • Rookie swingers have their own set of mental hurdles that can sabotage them. They could be fighting sensory overload from you being too sexy & all of this feeling unreal. They can also be so worried about pleasing you that they can’t relax enough for their body to do what it wants to do.

There are many more reasons why people won’t climax in non-monogamous play.

We didn’t even mention diabetes, anti-depression meds, poor body image, aging, & so many other prevalent issues. That doesn’t mean you aren’t amazing & giving them an incredible experience.

Trust yourself!

Your partners are enjoying themselves. Frankly, if they aren’t having fun (we are 99% confident they freaking love it), then they need to communicate. Don’t build up anxiety over something unlikely. We are all adults. If your swinger partner is unhappy, they will use their words.

Boosting Your Climax Odds

Remember to spend less effort doubting yourself & more attention to their smiles and other positive feedback :). Read their body language. We are very confident you will see they enjoy their playtime with you.

As much as we expect them to communicate, it is wise for you also to share if you are worried about them being unhappy. Don’t let your anxiety run unchecked. Ask them what they like. They are likely to give you feedback that can silence your worries.

If they are quiet, you can ask them to moan to let you know when you find their special spot. Better yet, be upfront & ask them to guide your lips or fingers to their special place. The more we learn each other’s individual preferences, the more fun it is and more likely to lead to a hot explosion.

Gilding Your Lily

We bet your naughty skills are exceptional! When your play partners think about you, their lips very likely form a devilish smile. It is also widespread not to feel the most confident. We do have tips for you to gild your lily.

You don’t need to do any of these things, but we understand the joy & validation you can feel making someone else lose control.

  • While flirting online, ask them to describe a fantasy or send you their favourite porn clip, so you have a better idea of their preferences. The more we flirt, the more we pre-warm up our naughty bits & learn tips on how better accommodate our new friends.

  • Spend more time on foreplay. Why are we rushing? Remember, sex is about having fun. So have fun. Take the time to enjoy the kissing and touching truly. Tease them. Stoke the fire. Touch & lick them everywhere but there. Come so close but don’t cross it. Edge them.

  • Both men & women can practice Kegels. This will supercharge your naughty muscles below the waist. Then at the right moment, engage them during sex. Your partner will have a hard time figuring out what is different but will certainly enjoy it

  • Encourage your dates to drink less alcohol because it can sabotage naughty fun. Order a fun & unusual non-alcoholic drink & ask if they want to join you. They will often follow your lead & avoid sabotaging themselves with too much booze. Be creative with your hydrating, and both of your bodies will perform better.

  • Consider introducing toys. Vibrating cock rings can pleasure you both. Well, unless you have a lesbian encounter, but there are great vibrators & strap-ons for those situations.

  • Tactical Lube. Countless types of lubes can help in all different situations. Using lube to make things slippery can be delightful. There are also flavoured lubes that make oral fun more enjoyable. Not to mention the warming lubes, or the CBD lubes, or all the other countless lubes. PS Don’t forget to reapply, especially during those longer play sessions.

  • Consider separate room play. This can remove distractions & lower the pressure of having an audience. This can introduce other issues, so think twice before doing it.


Everyone is different & has their unique preferences. Be careful not to impose your preferences on other swingers.

Swinging is about everyone having fun. If your swinger partners enjoy themselves, we shouldn’t be stressing out. We are all sexy & should feel confident in our bedroom abilities.

Sure, there is a certain sense of validation as sexy beasts that many of us feel when we bring our swinging partners to climax. But we need to remember that an orgasm is not necessarily the best measure of a good time.

Please take pleasure in putting happy, wicked smiles on their faces.

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